A year ago, I wrote a blog post called “Where am I now?” I talked about how I stopped travelling and blogging, and focused on saving my money for a house. It ended with a crossroad… should I use the money to travel or buy a house?
Guess what? It’s been a year and I haven’t moved. I’m still in the same place, and in the same head space. I’m still living with my parents, I’ve saved enough to the point where I should be speaking to a broker and applying for a home loan. I unexpectedly travelled earlier this year in April. But it didn’t feel the same as it used to. The rush and the fearlessness wasn’t there, and I hate admitting that. I’ve travelled solo so much that the challenge aspect of it is gone.
This isn’t a blog post where I tell you how far I’ve come. Because it’s the complete opposite. I’m frozen. I have to move forward but I don’t know which direction to take. I’ve been at the crossroad for an entire year!
Time goes by so fast. Things happen, life goes on. Nothing and no one waits for you.
I didn’t plan to be stuck. No one wants to be stuck. I let most of the year get away from me and I don’t know what I’ve achieved. And I’ve never felt like this before because normally, I am goal-oriented and driven. I make plans and I execute. But right now, I think I’m just not ready to move forward. Admittedly, I’m a little scared to move forward. I don’t know what lies ahead of me and I want to find something to work towards and be passionate about again.
A good friend of mine recently shared with me that she must have a baby. She couldn’t imagine not having children running around the house 10-15 years from now. She wants to be a mother so much. She is so fierce and sure about it. And it got me asking myself…what do I want that much? Is there something that absolutely needs to be in my future, that I must work on right now?
I don’t want to waste any more time.
*Update: The above was written in early August. As I read this again, in late August, I can say I’ve made a tiny bit of progress. But there’s still a long way to go!